Thursday, November 26, 2009

i'm on the coffee again. i'm grumpy cranky. on the coffee again. felt great at the initial sips. now i'm cranks mcyanks. thought about going bowling but realized i'd be going to the old frank place. bad joke. but close enough. similar. my dreams my dreams. you were there, again, as usual. as usual i love you. i woke up as usual i love you. in the dream i told my friend about the other girl i love. my somewhat secret crush. the one i've thought about for years. who is good for me? i thought you were the good for me. i know i was for you. grumpy grumpy put on my headphones and forget everyone. my brother is talking about a servicio. pillaging up the ramparts and cutting the straps. i climbed a nearly 90degree angled wall with just my fingers. i was scared for only a brief moment. as soon as i realized i needn't look down and to push push pull i could do it. and i did. did i impress you? were you impressed with me then? why am i always trying to prove myself to you? but i am. i am always trying to to prove to you i can do. do you believe yet? do you want me back yet? this moment. i don't care who sees me crying at the airport. i hope they are at the very least uncomfortable if not put off. whatever. back to my dream. i made it all the way up using just my fingers in the small dents in the ever-slanting road wall. at the top was metallica and your mom. there was something having to do with camp. your black bra strap showing. i woke myself up at one point and wrote the following:

exploring is fruitful
what kind of fruit?
not true

and every ground is evergantic i want mine first
will it last?
should you die for being witness
she's teaching classes with Holly by her side
i wish she would see me, either one, i wish i could just say hi.

she looks good and busy
authoritative in control
overwhelmed but positively so
learning from and how to grow

i can see see your broken black bra strap i want to tuck it in but you look cute.
i can see you HAPPY as a teacher
can you see yourself as anything but sad?

then i went back to sleep. i looked at this when i ultimately woke up for real and was very confused. i wrote that in my sleep. the coffee's hype is wearing thin thinner translucent. have you read any of this? i don't think you care, so whatever. these stream from gray matter only to finger dance clutching. something about that one song, i can't do it for too long. i want to know where it came from--the ten minute blubble blople. send me right to the chocolate-covered raisins. take me with you in 3d symphonic taste. your cosby is here to stay. 3d is to cosby as cosby is to 3d. new jeans new jeans smell like rendezvous. give me quick time harsh. yes no no no no no yes
no yes no no no yes no yes yes no no yes no no no a new binary cold blow your madeline kahn almost made a funny not funny even for me. gotta be playing the importance.

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